Don’t Play with Cutting Boards…

Friends, I have two confessions.  The first will come as a great surprise to you.  I beg you to sit, unless you are crossing a busy street.

It is this: I have an eccentricity. Yes.

Truth be told, and I really feel it should be, and at times like this if not at other times–mine is not really an eccentricity.  It is a principle:  I never buy kitchen supplies or toiletries made in China.  Never.  My reason is simple.  I call it the “Every Other Day We Find Out Something Manufactured There is Toxic” reason.

This causes certain problems.  Namely, almost everything manufactured in the world seems to come from China.  They’ll disguise it by having the packaging done in Europe or the US, but the product unmasked is still made in the People’s Republic.

So when I found a chopping board NOT made in China, I rejoiced and immediately shelled out the big bucks.

Was it beautiful?  Think “hideous.”  But I found that if I closed my eyes, I noticed no great difference.  (To test this, right now, close your eyes. Is it ugly?  No!  Of course, it’s not even there, but if it were, it would look a lot like this: UGLY.)

I hugged my safe monstrosity all the way home.

There, I read its informational booklet, which informed me that the board was”environmentally friendly, extremely durable and non-porous,” and also “heat resistant to 350 degrees.”  Very positive.  The instructions then guided me, however, not to place the board over a direct flame.

I stopped at this warning. Is the consumer expected to be THAT dumb?  If I kept reading, would it warn me not to use it as a suppository, too?

The next day, I’m making spaghetti sauce, waiting for the meat to brown while I chop up veggies beside it.  Only, the meat isn’t browning and the kitchen is exuding an awful stink.

The plumes of smoke rising from my chopping board–ah, did I neglect to mention I’d balanced the board on the stove?–gave me my first hint that: a)  I am a moron, and b)  I am precisely the moron the cutting board company was thinking of in its kind, helpful warning.

It has been several months since the debacle.  I return to cutting veggies on my plates, mostly not on the stove.

And now it’s time for my second confession–too long have I kept it hidden.  Friends, I really don’t see the point of cutting boards anyway. I never have.

I only really feel I need one because my mom thinks so, and to my great sadness, she is often right. However, the jury is still out on this case.  Sorry, mom! 🙂

a bullet with dessert


About sputnitsa

Born in the US, I grew up in Africa and the West Indies, and returned stateside in my teens. After a decade in international development, democracy work, and inclusivity training for domestic NGOs, I joined Peace Corps, and after a year, experienced my first Russian invasion. I followed that up by volunteering with refugees and youth, and after some vacation time climbing minarets and mountains, I returned to New York City, where today I work on social justice with college students, produce short films, and write.
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6 Responses to Don’t Play with Cutting Boards…

  1. Hahaha. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Superiority comlexes have a way of dying fast in my world. But I still like my cutting board.

    Glad to have you back, Sputnitsa!

    • sputnitsa says:

      Hahaha! I am *so* heartened to hear this. Most people seemed stunned that it would even occur to me to do something like chop on the stove. I imagine that’s what they consider counter space to be for… 🙂 🙂

      Glad to be back and to see you around 🙂 🙂 I especially like your pants today. 😉

      • sputnitsa says:

        Oh, the superiority complex of not buying Chinese 🙂 Yes, that’s a tough one–coz EVERYTHING’s made there. Still I struggle on. (Am embarrassed to note that I was cleaning today–that part’s not the embarrassing part–and discovered that a souvenir I bought in Turkey is actually Made in China. VERY annoying.) 🙂

  2. ralfast says:

    Cutting boards, stuff you don’t use until you need to start an apartment fire! 😆

    Of course, if you don’t want to ruin your nice counter top (not made in China), the a board does make sense.

    • sputnitsa says:

      🙂 🙂 But that’s what plates are for! Why am I the only person who concurs with myself? Must I take myself everywhere, so’s that at least one person in a party can turn with utter seriousness to myself, and say “damn, but that’s 100% true, R”? 🙂 🙂

      Yep, though, that is a very valid point. I should be very careful of any future cutting boards. If I take one out, my apartment is in peril! 🙂 🙂

      I guess this means you’re pro-board. So far, let’s see, that makes it…. everyone. Everyone is pro-board, except for me and my happily not smoldering apartment. 🙂

  3. Tad says:

    That particular board is made of compressed “wood” fibers. They have to use a lot of chemicals (binder, glue) to hold it together. Yes, they do say it’s environmentally friendly and blah blah, but it’s likely not the best choice. It’s not a solid piece of wood, instead it’s made from saw dust and other leftover trash material from woodworking. Of course it’s environmentally friendly, it lets them use all the scrap trash wood.

    Probably chemically worse than anything from China because of all the glue they have to use.

    A study came out just the other day showing that a massive amount of Chinese farmland is contaminated with heavy metals. Guess where the wood they use comes from? And nobody tests for heavy metals so who knows how many Chinese made cutting boards are laced with heavy metals. Yeah, I won’t be getting anything like this from China.

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