I don’t even know where to start.
It’s hard being an early-riser sometimes. The past week in particular has been really tough. On Friday, I had the fortune to wake up bright and happy at 4:30am. Deliciousness–a crisp morning of writing awaited me. And indeed, I was fruitful and the pages did multiply, and all the problems of weeks past were chased away. Brilliance. Only something else also happened EACH DAY.
Namely, before it was decent, whilst windows across the street were still dark with slumber, time and again, I would come upon in my research an amazing, absolutely gut-bustingly fantastic little-known fact that I HAD TO SHARE.
But with whom? With whom?, I cry! (Yes, worthy even of mid-sentence sentence-ending punctuation.)
I know, I know. Thou thinkest I exaggerate. No. Not I. I never use hyperbole.
Sample Gut-Busting Fact: In 1545 (see, already your blood begins to rush with excitement), a little town in France had its vineyard destroyed by flies.
What, you say, suddenly wondering if these early mornings (or perhaps the unfiltered coffee I favor) has made me bonkers.
But I’m not done. WAIT FOR IT, folks:
What did the townsfolk do, seeing their crops thusly destroyed? That’s right. They sued the insects.
There, I thought you needed a moment. [Waits patiently for the jaws to hover above the floor once more.] Yep, they sued them. So, the flies were assigned representation by a distinguished canon lawyer. He must have been good, because the insects were acquitted. His case was strong. He cited God’s will, you see, that the flies “be fruitful and multiply.” Thus in eating the crops, they were fulfilling God’s will, and could not be judged as wrong-doers.
The court agreed. But what to do about the crops? Finally they came upon a genius solution. GENIUS. (Wait for it.) They assigned another field for the flies to eat of. Yep. That’s right. Want to read that line again? They assigned another field for the flies to eat of.
Did this gentle compromise work? Apparently we may never know. You see, the reports of success have not made it to our century. They were, it is said, destroyed by insects.
[You can thank me later for this tidbit, which I KNOW you’re dying to share now, as I was these past few mornings, along with other similar fascinating facts.]
And on this painfully delicious information was I forced to sit and not share. On this bounty did I bounce impatiently waiting for the time to tell the world.
Consider yourself, World, told. 🙂
Ah, and in case you were wondering if in between the gathering of salacious facts I actually got any writing done: YEAH, BABE! The story is zooming. ZOOMING.
Love it. 🙂